


We Need to Talk About Raven

by Big_Diesel



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series), Teen Titans (Comics), Teen Titans - All Media Types, Teen Titans Go!
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Blackmail, Caught, Cheating, Cuckolding, Cunnilingus, Dark Character, Drama, Drunk Sex, Drunken Kissing, Drunkenness, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Infidelity, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Femdom, Forced Pregnancy, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Impregnation, Infidelity, Internal Conflict, Interracial Relationship, Manipulation, Masochism, Master/Pet, Masturbation, Mind Control, Mind Manipulation, Mind Rape, Minor Character Death, Murder, Mystery, Neck Kissing, Netorare, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, POV First Person, POV Male Character, Partner Betrayal, Pregnancy, Psychological Drama, Psychological Trauma, Rape/Non-con Elements, Reverse Rape, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Suspense, Suspicions, Thriller, Unplanned Pregnancy, Urination, Yandere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-09-27 05:36:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9977414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Big_Diesel/pseuds/Big_Diesel
Summary: One night, Cyborg made a mistake with Raven. Although he wishes it never happened, Raven does not want it to end. Loyalty and friendships are challenged and questioned throughout this journey. Will Cyborg have the courage to end this and confess the truth? Or will fate play a crude hand and reveal itself before Cyborg confesses? One thing is for certain, someone will get hurt.





	1. No Air

_What is loyalty?_

In the dictionary, it defines loyal as giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution. It means that you have their back all of the time. I can close my eyes when I fall asleep, knowing that I am safe. I can turn my back on them after giving them a weapon without worrying if they would turn on me. I don't have to worry because I have their back. They have mine. They will never abandon me. I will never abandon them.

We are forever faithful. We are loyal to the very end.

It is supposed to be like that. Or so I thought.

It is too bad that I have failed on the end of that bargain.

Loyalty is important. It is a foundation of a friendship. No, it is the backbone of the relationship. And without loyalty, then what do we have?

No, don't answer that. I know. I just don't have the guts to answer.

I sit in the living room alone. Alone where my thoughts are gathered. Just a reservoir of regret and shame.

The television is on, but nothing is on there. Just a snowy picture. It scrambles like the feelings in my brain.

I sit alone next to where my friends normally sit. It is where all of the adventures are formed. This is where all of us begin our day. This couch is the symbol of our friendship, our camaraderie, our loyalty.

It falls like dominoes. I gambled it all of away. I grabbed the dice, picked my past, and rolled my future.

Better yet, _we_ picked _our_ future.

_What is loyalty?_

I know what it is, then yet again, where is it should be the better question. And this is coming from a man of cybernetic being. Just like my accident, no one could have predicted the events to where I am.

I weep. I weep because I have done something wrong.

I weep because I have exchanged my loyalty for twenty minutes of deceit.

There will never be a refund.

The television emits the cloudy picture. My brain is still scrambled. Scrambled on my shame.

Scrambled because I am unsure if Beastie could forgive me. Scrambled if my friends could forgive me. Scrambled if Jinx could forgive me.

I tilt my head because I am trying my hardest not to cry.

My father comes to mind. He had always told me to never let another man see you cry. It displays weakness. He is right.

However, it hurts to hold back.

It hurts because you know what you have done wrong. You know what you have done screws up the loyalty of your friendship.

Hurts because what should have been a one-time thing is still continuing.

And it does involve many loved ones. Even the people who are now resting in their beds.

However, there is an exception.

I hear someone entering the room. The presence is strong and I can feel it. It lingers, wanting me to know that it is there.

"Couldn't sleep, chrome-dome? Or you were just waiting for me?" She speaks in a flirtatious tone. Her shadow hovers the television. Each flashing light shows her aura. An aura that I have the misfortune to experience.

She leans over me and draws her breath behind my neck. It makes my hair, or what's left, stand.

"You didn't answer my question," she retorts. "Or should I have wake up Beastie?"

_Cold bitch!_

"No," I simply say. I take a breath and sigh. It is loud enough to produce a chuckle. She hovers from behind and sits beside me. She is close. Close enough to feel her cloak sliding over me.

"What's with the tears," she asks me. I forgot I was crying.

"Allergies," I tell her.

She leans over to me and gently licks my swelled cheeks. She is delicate, careful to get every detail.

She smiles. "Doesn't taste like you have allergies."

I am quiet. I refuse to give her any further satisfaction.

She sits back and gets comfortable. So much so, that she spreads her cloak, exposing her slender creamy legs.

_Beast Boy, I am so so sorry._

"So, where it is going to be tonight," she questions me. Her eyes slowly tilting. Bedroom eyes, I remember my father mentioned to me.

"Can we not tonight, Rae," I ask her in a pleading voice. "I just want some alone time."

I don't want to do it all. If I can turn the hands of time.

She chuckles. "We don't have to do it tonight. But tomorrow, if Beast Boy finds out…."

I put my hand to her mouth, covering it.

"Don't mention his name, please," I tell her. My eyes are swelling.

She relaxes. The wetness of her tongue hits my hand. She grabs my hand and takes one of my fingers in her mouth. Her eyes are closed, taking her time with each of my fingers.

"If you don't want him to know," she says. "Then I guess you must comply."

She wrapped her tongue around one of my fingers, continuing to suck with emitting moans from her mouth.

"God, I wish you can take me on this couch," she responds. "But we must not leave evidence."

Still having my hands, she wraps around them. "My bedroom tonight."

My stomach churns.

"Don't worry about the noise. My book of spells won't let the others interrupt. They will be sleeping peacefully."

_Azarath Metrion Zinthos!_

The television turns off and I follow her to her bedroom.

_Robin, forgive me._

_Starfire, forgive me._

_My buddy, Beast Boy, forgive me._

_And to my love, Jinx, forgive me._


	2. No Wind

I have a letter that I have written to Beast Boy. It was addressed under his Christian name of Garfield. It was a letter of a penance. Excuse, it was a letter of a resignation of our friendship. I say that because there is no way that we could ever return as friends. I have spent the day in my room trying to find the right words to say to my green buddy. We were two peas in a pod. We were two left shoes with no groove. We were the Butch and Sundance of the Titans. Not in my years will I ever have a friendship as strong as his.

We made blood bonds once. He transformed into a cougar where he proudly displayed his claws. I pulled out my hand as he slashed it. In return, I used a blade from my gadget and I slashed his. I wrapped each other's hand and watched the blood drip into the ground. Robin once told me that "blood makes the grass grow." Does our blood reside in the ground? Will a flower grow from it? Better yet, can a phoenix makes it redemption from my mistake.

Don't judge me. I am very comfortable with myself when describing my friendship with my best friend. He and I have a connection beyond kinship. This was going to my bro who was going to be my best man at my wedding. He was going to be the godfather of my children at their christening. Beast Boy was a people's champ. Wasn't the brightest in intelligence, but made it up through his shining personality. Never asked for much, but just wanted to have a good time.

There were two people he really loved. And they are the same people who had betrayed him.

A smooth palm of a woman's touch interrupts my thoughts. She lingers her finger to enter her room. A strong scent of lavender invades my nostrils. It entrancing, in my opinion. It tells me to relax and relieve any of my inhibitions. Ignore the goodwill of what my God is telling me. Abide and submit under the will that causes Eve and Adam's fall from grace.

Raven is the apple and I have partaken upon her surface. Many, many times.

She emits a smirk and lowers her eyes at me. She removes her cape where I can see her body. Her body moves backward to the bed where she takes her a seat. Her leotard is tighter than usual. The tightness envelopes around her breasts. It edges smoothly on her milky thighs. The contrast of her skin tone and her leotard makes it very alluring, yet sexy.

No, I can't think this way. This is my best friend's girl. This is Beast Boy's mama. This. Is. Beast. Boy. Girlfriend.

Her audible smirk vacuums my voice. I am incapable of swallowing. She doesn't need to perform any mind-bending spells to get my attention. My one-track mind overpowers is enough of its own.

"You have been awfully staring at me for quite a spell," she says. "Do you like what you see?"

Out of nowhere, the candles produce light. The lights dance along with the tunes on the radio that she used her powers. The tempo of smooth rhythm and blues appears. You know, the kind of music that your mother and father call "grown folk music." The kind of music that your parents listen behind closed doors; and do not come inside of that room out of any circumstances.

If you grew up in an African-American or Latino household, you would understand. I apologize if I offend any others. But, now I digress.

She stretches her arms and rests her palms on her head. She stares at me with anticipation. She is playing with me. She is giving me time to think. She wants to think that I am doing this at my own discretion. If I am going to do this, then it is not her fault. I have the option to walk away. At least that is what she is enticing me to do.

"Cy, why play these games," she coos. "I know you want this."

I stammer. "Listen, Rae," I say. "What we did was a one-time thing."

She exhales her breath loudly. "One time," she says. "Charming. Didn't know the multiple strokes you gave my kitten counted as one." She purrs. "This kitten is hungry for more. I need my scratching post."

She knows how to find the right words. My palms are sweating as I am still standing in front of her. My underarms are moistening. My chest becomes heavy. I am in a state where I know phase one of her plan is in effect.

"What can I do to put an end to this," I question.

She exhales again, slowly drawing her hand in front of her leotard. She caresses her upper thigh before spreading her wings. "Playing with me, of course," she winks.

I know this is wrong, but admittedly, she is beautiful. Before our incident, I have never thought of Rae as more than a friend. Just a friend. Just. A. Friend.

Her fingertips linger to where her pussy is located. She pats it with her fingers. "Cy," she whispers. She rubs carefully. "Cy," she whispers again.

My eyes water, watching in disbelief. My mouth waters, watching her caressing her body. My loins, my face, reddens and hardens by her astounding voice wavering with the currents and the tempo of the quiet storm.

My legs quickly buckle as I watch Raven perform her one-woman show with her body. It is sort of a fetish when watching a girl perform in their leotard. Something about that is sexy. Jinx and I did it once. I made her cosplay as Sailor Mercury. She never was a fan of it, but she did it to make me happy.

No, I must not talk about that. Jinx. Not her. It is not right to think about her at this point in time. Then, wait a minute, stupid. That is your girlfriend.

_Are you sure,_ questions my conscience.

"Cy," she says again drawing her breath closer to me. "Come here."

Against my own volition, I obey her. I lean forward as she continues to pull her leotard, creasing itself against her pussy. I watch how she flickers her little bean. So small, so pretty. That bean I wouldn't mind flickering myself.

No, no, wait.

This is not right.

Her eyes display hunger. Her body is telling me to do this now. My body, no my hands. They are edging forward and forward.

I am directly at the center of my best friend's girl.

"That's it," she purrs. "Aim for my kitten. Make it purr for you, Cy."

"Yes," I tell her.

She fastens her legs around my back as I make a mark in her pussy. I slowly pull her leotard aside where I see her cavern. Her cavern is profusely exposing its juices. "Your kitten is hungry," I tell her. "Allow me to feed her." She wrapped tightly as I put my tongue inside of it. Her juices make contact with my tongue. _Welcome back, Cy_ , it tells me. I lap it up like it is the best savory drink in the world. Her juices taste like a sour fruit. Jinx was a tad different.

As I close my eyes to partake in her offering that she receive to me, a thought landed at the time I was playing video games with my best friend.

* * *

_-C'mon Cy, you are kicking my ass in this game._

_-Sorry, Beastie Boy. Can't help for the fact that I am the master of this game, son!_

_-Oh, your ass is toast, dude._

_-Boo-yah! Hell yeah. I won. I won. I won. Boo-yah!_

_-Yeah, yeah, Cy. You won, you won._

_-Aww, relax, bud. It's all good. I mean, I can't help that I am able to know techniques without using cheat codes._

_-How'd you figure it out?_

_-You are my best bud. I am supposed to know._

_-Cy?_

_-Yeah, Beastie._

_-You are my best bud._

_-Love you too, man. You are the same to me as well._

_-Cy, can I ask you something?_

_-Sure, bro!_

_-Ok! Just to be honest, this is a serious question. No jokes, bra!_

_-Okay, spit it out._

_-You know I have been seeing Raven right._

_-Of course, Beast Boy. I have kind of figured that out for quite some time._

_-It was obvious. Obvious without sheer subtlety. Then yet again, I can't really decipher any of these words. I am not as bright like as I could be._

_-Doesn't matter about the brain, but the heart. If Raven loves you for it, then who's cares. Is something going on, Beast Boy?_

_-You can kind of mention that. Lately, she has been really distant with me._

_-How distant?_

_-Like, she doesn't want to be in the mood for anything._

_-That is just Rae being her usual gloomy self. That should be nothing of concern._

_-Not like that we are alone._

_-Really?_

_-She is a different person when it is the two of us. It is night and day. In front of the crew, she puts on an aura of strength, boldness, and the careless attitude. However, with me, she is different. Seeing her pale face brightening to pink is very alluring. How soft her body is when we embrace…._

_-Whoa, whoa! Take it down a notch. I don't need to hear what's going on in the bedroom._

_-My point is that Raven is a different person when it is the two of us. It is where she sheds her inhibitions to be with me. She can be herself around me. Have you had your moments with Jinx?_

_-I have, a dozen of times. But, I have never put it in that kind of perspective. I had only had a handful of women in my life. I don't know, Beast Boy. Sometimes, I am afraid to express myself to people._

_-Like love?_

_-Yeah. Growing up, my father never really displayed that kind of affections for my mother. He had always told that the one that controls the relationship is the one that loves the least._

_-That doesn't make any sense._

_-It didn't to me either, at first. But, as I got older, I see the trials of relationship after relationship. Robin failed attempts at Starfire. Aqualad and Terra. I have felt the love of a relationship is based on measure. Sometimes, if I expose too much, then that person may have better grip._

_-Are you afraid to love?_

_-No, I just don't want to be hurt._

_-I understand, Cy. Is that what you believe that is going on with Raven?_

_-I don't know. She has and always will be a tough nut to crack. Remember, she is the daughter of a demon. Demons have stronger emotions than the average human. Maybe, because of the potency, she is afraid. So she holds back. Like you had said, you guys are still new into the relationship._

_-Some perspective, my friend._

_-Raven has many emotions. Must we not forget when she was split into her multiple personalities. Each was stronger than the other. The closer she gets to you, the stronger her emotions unfold. What I am saying is that if she gets closer, she is afraid that she is going to hurt you._

_-Interesting point. I am surprised, Cyborg. You are really an expert on this._

_-No, just a person learning from experience. Plus, I have seen enough daytime talk shows with Starfire to have some basic concepts of the psychology of dating._

_-So, there is more to the brain than sappy singing, loud mouthing, and crashing parties._

_-And kicking your ass in video games. Don't forget to add that to my resume, Beast Boy._

_-Sounds like you are challenging me once more, bra!_

_-Damn, right. Winner buys pie from Mother Mae-Eye's._

_-You are on, dude._

As I was sitting in his bedroom playing video games with the man I called my best friend, he had every single right to be cautious and concerned. Like he was mentioning his current status with Raven, I too was feeling distance. My eyes spiraled away from the screen and I felt that I was no longer there. Guilt consumed me, tearing and agonizing me with such freshly piercing pain.

If he knew. If he knew. He had every right to be concerned. For I am the reason I was causing this wedge. I am the cybernetic gentleman who was and is responsible for creating the wedge between him and Raven.

What he also didn't know that we weren't alone in the conversation. Hidden, yet insidious eyes lurked through the vents. It perched, lingering and emitting moans of torment and anguish.

She was watching us, Beast Boy. She was watching us.

* * *

"I am coming, baby," she moans. "Cy, Cy, Cy."

Her dam is breaching, releasing any fluids into my mouth. I take them all; swallowing and lapping as she quivers. I rub her navel until her climax subsides. I look up as she tilts her head back in pleasure.

"I didn't...expect...any less...from you," she says in between pants.

I don't say a word, for my face that is covered in her icing gives her a response.

While my eyes burn from her acidic juices, my heart does the same. The night is not yet over. She is not satisfied.

And unfortunately, neither am I.


	3. No Fire (Part I)

_We need to talk about Raven._

What is this "we" I speak of? Who is we? Is it me? Is it God? Is it my conscience? What is this we? A two-letter pronoun that one day perpetuates a spark in a conversation of my confession. It doesn't matter how it is going to be addressed. It does matter on the day when it is going to happen. Just of a matter of time, Cyborg, my boy. Just a matter of time.

My mother told me that "if it is behind closed doors, then it is something that impermissible." Impermissible is a great word choice, mother. A wonderful choice of a word for a fallible sinner like myself. A wonderful choice of a word to define something that defies the light into the word of darkness. I often wondered how many times; how many countless times have I thought about the word. Or better yet how it comes to mind every time I am in Raven's room.

I can do it one better. How many times have the word, impermissible, occurs when I enter her cavern. Self-deprecatingly I am laughing to myself about the times I have entered the forbidden fortress of my best friend's girl. My face becomes hot and it is not only because of the cigarette I have been smoking for quite a spell.

The truth of the matter, I am not really a smoker. Just a vice to aid my stress from another vice. Beast Boy does not like this habit of mine. He is the only one that knows of my smoking. He discovered it one day when I confined myself at Starfire's private garden.

'It is bad for your health, bra.' He said to me with a stern voice. The kind of voice that displayed concern. An act that shows true friendship. 'This is bad for your health. It makes me wonder on how and why people start such a nasty habit.'

That is because it started after performing a _nasty_ act with your girlfriend, thus creating this _habit_. I kept it hidden like all of my demons. Like all of my woes. Woes, such a strong word. Like impermissible.

'Fighting crime takes a tow.' I told him with my lies. 'Makes me wonder on why we fight a losing battle.' The latter half of my conversation is true. A losing battle of my temptation with that temptress.

'Nothing comes easy, Cy.' Beast Boy laments to me. 'However taking it out on yourself can make further damage.' He displayed a smile. He always looked at the brighter side of things. I cursed myself because this man has a history. I am well aware of his past. Against all odds, he always displayed his trademark smile. 'Coming into this kind of work is going to make us think that we are in a losing battle.' He faced me with such determination in eyes. 'That is why we must take one day at a time. One percent of victory is better than none. If we fight 100 crimes but only win 1. At least we one something. I rather win one battle and lose 99, then to lose 100 and win 0.'

'You are a good man.' I told my green buddy. 'You deserve better.'

'Where is that coming from, bra.' He questioned me.

'Nothing. Just saying that you don't want to be around someone that is holding you back.'

'You're my best friend, Cy. I am not telling you to stop smoking. But, I know you. This is not you. Is there is something you want to talk about, you know I won't judge you.'

I tucked in my bottom lip, combating the tears. This man deserved better. I tighten my fist to the point that I punctured my hands. Thank God that it was near the end of daylight. My hands became bloody.

* * *

_We need to talk about Raven._

That is the first sentence I have written in my letter to Beast Boy. I went to the library in downtown where I knew I can be alone. I clicked my pen; I balled many papers, and I wetted my papers to describe my feelings to this boy. Strong friendship like us is one in a million. You can't find that walking down the street or going to a park or going to a bar, wherever people meet other people. It tears me inside like that night when I….

No, I am not ready to talk about that night. The night that is making me feel like there is no end to my personal hell. A tier after tier after tier of a deeper hell that is preparing for my public hell. If I am lucky. If I am lucky, Trigon may have some mercy on me.

Yeah, right. Yeah, fucking, right.

"Cy, baby. Is everything okay," says a familiar gentle voice.

I forgot, I thought to myself. It is wonderful how your mind can deviate to another realm without notice. I revert my attention to the person who deserves the most attention.

"Sorry, Jinx," I tell her. "Just got off focus for a second. I am sorry."

My pink-haired, pale-faced demon I call my girlfriend displayed her pleasant smile. Her cheeks are more pink than usual.

"It is okay, baby," she tells me while playing with her straw.

I return her smile. "Thanks for understanding."

* * *

 

That morning, as I was lying in bed, I received a text on my Titan Alert.

_Hey, babe._

It was Jinx.

I rubbed my eyes from the bright light. I muster with all of my might to response with the text.

_Nothing much, babe. Just waking up._

_Did I wake up the poor baby? *pout* *pout*_

_Are you confusing me for Gizmo? *TT*_

_Aren't you a comedian, baby?_

I was alarmed by a cold, but familiar presence. She wrapped her claws around my body. She was like a spider. A spider that has her prey and certainly wasn't going to let go.

'Talking to your girl, Cy,' she asked very coldly.

I didn't say a word. I continued texting to Jinx.

_What's plans you have today? Planning something to come and get your team's ass kicked?_

I felt the cold kisses pressing on my neck. She pressed her breast on my back. She wrapped her legs around my leg.

_Not today. The team is still healing from your previous kicking. LOL._

_HAHAHA! I didn't hurt you too badly?_

_You didn't. You are very considerate of thinking about me._

'If your girl only knew,' she told me in a sing-song from an artist who is no longer part of this world.

I overlooked her as I continued texting Jinx.

_You are my girl. You know I am thinking of you._

_*TT* *XD* *=D* *;)*_

She reached into my pants to wake my third leg. I shrugged her off of me, but she bit into my neck. I am winced by the pain. She dug her nails into my arm and tightly squeezed my dick with the other. All I could here was she shallow breath.

_Anyway, Cy. What are you doing today?_

_I don't have anything._

_Since we are not fighting, want to hang out?_

Her tongue caressed my ear. She nibbled while continuing to rub my shaft. I was getting harder by her touch. I knew what was happening, but did what I could to ignore. I pretend that it wasn't there. Just a pleasant conversation with my girlfriend.

'Cy, aren't you a player,' she told me in between moans. By that time, her breast rubbed against my back. She was moaning. I knew that she was playing with her pussy. 'Texting your girlfriend while playing with your best friend's girl.'

I continued my denial.

_Yes! Where do you want to go?_

_I want to have lunch at our usual spot._

_Yum Yum Kitty?_

'I want you to go yum yum on my kitty,' she told me.

_Can we?_

_Sure, babe. Anything for you._

_Cy, you are the best._

'I am ready to go,' replied Raven.

Raven leaned over me and withdrew spit from her mouth. Her warm saliva trailed on my shoulder. Her hungry mouth lingered before collecting it again with her tongue. I was close to climax as she continued having fun with this charade.

 _Yum Yum Kitty @ 1._ I texted her.

_Be there. Love U._

_Love you too._

The text was concluded. And so was my erection. I was trapped in my deception such as my semen was trapped in my boxers. Raven turned me over and got on top of me.

'I am ready for round two,' she purred. I watched her slide her panties open. As much I denied it, I have supplied her needs with my throbbing member. We were doing this while Beast Boy, Starfire, and Robin were having breakfast.

* * *

Jinx rubs my forehead. She expresses concern. "You are not feeling well," she says.

I look on to her eyes. "I am fine," I tell her. "Just too much on my mind."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I nodded my head in disagreement. "Just man stuff," I explain to her. "It is like when women have their periods. Men can have those type of things as well. Well, minus the spotting."

She was tickled by that comment. "One thing is for sure, your humor is fine."

I hug my girlfriend and kiss her on the forehead. She likes when I do that. It makes her happy, she told me. It reminded her of her father in her childhood days. She doesn't like talking about her childhood. Once, she told me that her father left her and her mother alone. It was for another woman, she said in disgust.

Worst of luck. Another bad hand played to her. God, I feel stupid.

We take our orders to go and spend the day cruising through Jump City. We went to Wacky Doodles where we have a great time playing with bumper cars, roller coasters, and eating cotton candy. Afterward, we go to the hat store to try on hats. I buy her a hat that reminds me of Mary Tyler Moore. Seeing her smirks brings me great joy. It makes me forget that I am also deceiving her.

We conclude our day at the Titan Tower. No one is home. For the first time in awhile, I have never been happy to not be surrounded by someone. With my demeanor, I enjoy the company.

Not until recently where even the Titan Tower feels very cramped.

We get out of the elevator. She jumps straight to the couch.

"Where are the others," asks Jinx as she begins to finish her leftover lunch.

I turn on the air conditioner. "Robin is doing favors for Batman. Starfire is visiting relatives back home." There is a lump in my throat with the latter. "Beast Boy and Raven are out on a date."

She chuckles. "Funny. I have never seen them as a couple."

I join her on the couch. "What makes you say that?"

"They are so opposites."

"So are we."

"True, but we compliment each other."

I agree with her.

I am glad she ends the subject when she pulls out the remote to turn on the television. "I am in a mood for a classic." She tells me. "Can the anthologist find something for us to watch?"

I gave her a poor smile. "Sure, babe."

She is in the mood for a Quentin Tarantino flick. I tell her that we can watch _Pulp Fiction_ , _Grindhouse_ , _Kill Bill_ , and the like. She declines all of them. She is in the mood for some Pam Grier.

She is going to make a man happy. It is supposed to be me, but….

We cuddle on the couch. I dim the lights. _Jackie Brown_ appears on the screen. We are halfway through the movie when Jinx rubs her head affectionately on his chest. She turns away from the movie and displays her bedroom eyes. She gives me a kiss without warning. I am taken aback, but I am very excited to return her kisses.

I taste her tongue while she manages to get on top of me. She licks her lips. "Let's go to your room."

"Let's," I reply.

The movie continues to play as we make our way to my bedroom. It takes no time to convert my table in a bed. I do it on occasions when I have company.

I grab her shoulders to disrobe her. I kiss her on her neck. She lets out a moan. "Harder baby," she demands. I lick the surface, tasting all of her contents. She grabs my back. She digs her nails into my flesh, or whatever flesh I do have.

Both of us are releasing moans. She wants it. I want it. I mean, she is my girlfriend. That is what I am supposed to do. Right? Right?

Right?

I lift her legs and carry her to the bed. We continue to kiss as I cup my hand around her titty. I indulge my tongue with her nipple, caressing it. "Oh, Cyborg," she tells me in between. "You know my right spots." I flick my tongue on her nipple. She squirms but I keep my grip.

Her hair is in my face. It smells like strawberries. I press my lips on her, enveloping her sweet nectar with mine.

"Take me away, baby," she moans. She then takes her tongue and wraps it around my neck. I am getting hard. It is only a matter of time before she….

Her face furrows. She takes a look around my neck. She narrows her eyes before returning the same look at me.

She releases herself from me.

Something is wrong.

"Why is there a bite mark on your neck," questions Jinx.

"What?" I ask her.

She pulls out a compact mirror from her purse and forcefully hands it to me.

"Check it out," she demands.

My heart begins to beat with the anticipation that I have feared the most.

"What is taking so long," she questions. By this time, she folds her arms in frustration.

I give her a blank stare.

"Check your neck."

I give her another stare.

"Check your fucking neck."

As the mirror is edging to my neck, the same thought I had from the beginning returns.

_We need to talk about Raven._

What is this "we" I speak of? Who is we? Is it me? Is it God? Is it my conscience? What is this we? A two-letter pronoun that one day perpetuates a spark in a conversation of my confession. It doesn't matter how it is going to be addressed. It does matter on the day when it is going to happen. Just of a matter of time, Cyborg, my boy. Just a matter of time.

"Cyborg, this is not a game. Check. Your. Fucking. Neck. Now."

_Just a matter of time, Cyborg, my boy. Just a matter of time._


	4. No Fire (Part II)

The night when we did our act, we have met at a bar. A desolate kind of dive bar, located off-the-grid. The sort of places where the heroes exchanged their masks for hidden ones, if you can catch my drifts. It was where they can shed their facades of protecting and serving to cascade to chase and numb their sorrows. I was very familiar with the joint that she wanted me to meet. Beast Boy and I been there a couple of times. We were just people watching, we told ourselves. Observing how and why people are capable of intoxicating themselves with such poison.

Now if you think about it, any place that deals with discreteness is always on a corner, on an edge. Like rundown motels and last chance diners. Maybe, just maybe, I think it takes us going to the ends of the earth to realize it. It takes them to know them. It takes being subjected to that kind of scrutiny to finally understand.

It wasn't long before I was baptized under the darkness of the bloody, murky waters.

Anyway, it was there where we met. The establishment was called _Secrets_. I know, how ironic. Nonetheless, it was a place for superheroes. For the sake of them, I won't release the identities of who they are. But, they share the same cloak, if you can get my meaning.

I entered the establishments. Their eyes narrowed when seeing the sunlight. It was like they were vampires being disturbed. Their eyes became wide as saucers when seeing me. Their gestures, their body language, displaying such as tone of _what in the hell are you doing here_. Or, _you have some nerve to be here_. Or, on the contrary, _welcome to the other side, brother_.

The latter weighed heavy on my tongue. An indistinguishable spice of sorts. I made my way through the bar before meeting the mysterious beauty. She situated herself on the far corner of the bar. A cushioned booth that was clothed in black leather. The tableware was clothed in black. The waxed candle in the middle of the table was black. The candle appeared as if it was dancing, enticing and delivering her scent to the darkness. Too much black, I thought. A sign, perhaps? I didn't have to think before she motioned me to the table.

"Welcome," she said to me as she pursed her lips. Her delivery of saying it told me that this was not going to be a chat between friends. In such a quaint dive bar, where darkness reigns, it was telling me that I am engaging myself in conversation with a woman. She rubbed her smooth paths on the table, tapping the table with her fingertips. It was a habit of hers whenever her patience became tested. I quickly noticed that whenever we go out for pizza or standing in line at an amusement park. Without further agitating her, I took a seat.

We sat across from each other. There was silence, but alas a comfortable silence. On the surface, she is my teammate, my friend. Of course, we were opposites, but our opposition kept us together.

"Glad you came," she said. She reached into her cloak. In her hands were a pack of cigarettes. Lucky Clovers if I remembered it correctly. Too dark to see. "Want one," she asked me. I declined. I never was a fan of smoking. My father having a heart attack established my declination of having that desire, at the time.

"Your loss," she sighed. She used her powers to flick the lighter before placing it in her mouth. She took a few puffs before breathing a hazy cloud. It came in my direction. It tasted of sweet honeydew. "Sorry," she said as she saw me waving the smoke out of my direction.

She took another drag before putting on the ashtray. I was about to say something before she interrupted me. She called the bartender that reminded me of Harley Quinn. The tightness of her thigh-length shorts caught my attention. It was a valley from the behind as well in front. For a moment, I had thoughts. Just thoughts.

The waitress asked in her Empire State accent on what we desired, in those words. Raven requested a pinot. I wanted a club soda with water. Raven declined that order and told her to get me a glass of a gin and tonic. The doppelganger of Harley Quinn chuckled before fading into the darkness.

"Glad you came," said Raven. She tipped the ash from the cigarette. She stared at the flame for a little while before returning her eyes to me. She disrobed her cloak where she welcomed me in her ravenous form. I am not going to lie if I didn't say Raven didn't have a gorgeous body. She was fit. Her stomach was well-toned. She had curves in all of the right places. Her breast, though small, but were very supple and firm. Her hair was a river of darkness. Just pure shade of purple and black, at least in my opinion. Her palish skin complimented her. It reminded me of fresh powder. Be as it were talcum powder or fresh snow. Regardless of the thoughts on how I displayed women, Raven was an attractive girl. No doubt about that. Beast Boy was a lucky man.

Or so I thought.

"Yeah, sure." I finally had my chance to speak. I have stammered, of course. I didn't have many one-on-one interactions with her. It was still kind of strange that she wanted to meet her here.

Matter of factly, why I am still lying about myself about that day. There were tell-tale signs. They were always there. Apparent like an elephant in the room. Or any kind of cliche to explain this debacle.

She interrupted my thought when she asked me another question.

"You're probably wondering why I have called you here," asked Raven while taking another puff from that cancer stroke. And every time, she pursed those lips of hers the honeydew scented smoke at me. At first, it appeared to be accidental. However, her actions displayed a hint of a more sinister purpose.

"I didn't give it much of a thought," I have said. The atmosphere of this place was disturbing as the conversation I was having with my best friend's girl. This was the first time I have engaged with her, since she and Beast Boy's relationship.

"Does Beastie knows of us being here," I asked her. That was me. A philosophy, if you will. Never have alone time with a girl of your boy without telling him first.

"No," she simply said. "He doesn't have to have constant updates about me." She laughed. "I am not his lap dog."

I laughed as well to avoid the further awkwardness. "No. No, you are not." I gazed at the candle before redirecting my eyes on the ravenous being. "So, why am I here?"

She relaxed her shoulders, adjusting herself. Her collar bone protruding from her leotard. She slammed her hands, displaying her signals on her drink. It wasn't long when the quirky Harley Quinn-esque waitress served our drinks.

She gently handed Raven's pinot and my gin and tonic. She gave me a slight wink before bouncing away into the darkness. She cupped her glass and took a sip of her wine. I stared into my glass. She should know that I was not much of a drinker. Especially if it is hard liquor.

"Since me and Beastie are dating," said Raven with such obviosity, "I wanted to further acquaint myself with you."

"By doing that, we have to meet a dive joint like this," I have questioned her. "We could have done this at the tower or at Yum Yum Kitty, Wacky Doodles, coffee shops…." She stuck out her hand in front of me, enticing me to stop. Her narrowing eyes displayed to not further give it any more perspective. I have digressed before she returned to her relaxed mood.

She chuckled. "You know, for a loud-mouthed cyborg, you have quite a tongue."

I know what she was inferring. I can be loud-mouthed and annoying at times. I put my foot where it was not always welcomed. My character, my persona, my aura of being me. However, the comment had a deeper meaning. A meaning that even myself couldn't fathom.

She took another sip of her pinot. "Have you a drink," she told me.

"I am not much of a drinker," I responded.

"Really? I have never thought you were that kind of man who opted the lifestyle of sobriety," she winced. "Afraid of what might convict you if you indulged?"

I didn't like where this was going. I have tried to change the subject. "You want to get to know me," I have said. "Then know this. I don't drink as much. I don't feel any conviction when I drink. Also, if you were going to impress me with your lack of background as a connoisseur, then you should know that I don't care for this kind of liquor. Especially if it is dry."

I tapped my hands on the table, signaling the waiter. She returned to the table with her devilish grin. "Bring me a Hennessey and a shot of vodka as a chaser." She hastily departed from us.

So, I have lied. On occasion, I do consume liquor. But, she challenged my integrity. And I didn't like that.

"So, you prefer your liquor brown," she asked me. "Well, Cy, couldn't say I am surprised. In fact, I am appeased from how you got me in check."

I didn't say a word. I just waited for my order. I have told myself that when I take this drink, I was going to leave. Just erase this memory from ever happening. And by the grace of God, my father added that kind of software to my data banks.

"Yeah, that's right," I have later commented.

"That doesn't count," she interjected. She grabbed another cigarette from her pack. "It doesn't count when you return an insult." She flicked the lighter without the use of her magic this time. "You have two, hell, four seconds to make a combat, then it doesn't exist." She put the cigarette to her lip. "If you have a hard time with that, I can imagine how much of handful you must be to Jinx."

I wanted to leave right there. I was done with this conversation. She must have read my mind because she extended her hand to mine.

"Don't get defensive," she explained. "I am just kidding. Relax."

It was already hot in the dark cavern and she was acting as the catalyst. "I am sorry. That wasn't right of me. Please, sit with me and have a drink with me. Okay?"

I took a few deep breaths. Deep, deep breaths. "Alright."

The waitress returned my drinks. I quickly guzzled my shot of vodka before taking a sip of my Hennessey. I also asked her for a can of soda to go with it.

She placed her hands over her lips to cover her laughter. "What's so funny," I asked with a tone of seriousness.

"You remind me of my father," she told me. "My father got like that whenever someone challenged his ego."

"I didn't think no one could challenge the ego of his evilness," I retorted.

"Yep," she said while sticking out her tongue. "My mother."

She took another drink of her pinot. I tried to further ask her about it, but she gave me a look of no longer interested in the conversation or this is how it was going to end.

When finishing my first glass, she requested another. She also told the waitress that she was interested in dinner. Knowing that I have drunk and not in the condition to leave, I decided to wait it out with dinner.

She ordered grilled pork chops with asparagus and a side salad. I have ordered the same. Throughout the conversation, we talked about our lifestyles as superheroes, our hopes, and our dreams. Every time we talked, the more liquor we have consumed.

And every time I have told myself I would not further indulge, I replaced that thought with another glass of Hennessey and a shot of vodka.

After six glasses of Hennessey and eight shots of vodka, I was very toasted. My judgement became impaired and so was my judgement.

Everything was funny to me. The awkwardness of our waitress, which by now was giving me such an erection. The trance music playing in the background was amusing. Everything was slowing down and my voiced began to slur. Even that I have begun laughing. By that time, Raven was laughing. She was amused. Very amused.

"You remind me of Dad right now," said Raven. "He could never handle his liquor either."

Whenever I attempted to speak, it became word vomit. I couldn't contain my laughter. I burst out laughing loudly while beating the table hard. I was so caught up in the moment that I did not pay attention that Raven was getting closer to my line of sight.

I extended my arm around the edge of the seat. I have invited her to join me.

_Dude, what are you doing?_ My conscience was asking me. _Do you know that this is your best friend's girl? Are you aware of the decisions are you making at this point in time?_

She took my invitation as she nuzzled, better yet, envelope around my chest. Her pale cheeks were becoming red like the intensity of my face. It was flushed as I was basking in the glow of my inebriation.

She pressed her warm body on me, giving me a harder erection. I couldn't contain the feeling she was giving me. Her leotard was soft, brushing against me with such intent. She looked up at me with those alluring eyes. It spoke words to me without moving her lips.

We stared into each other's eyes. She turned to my direction. I closed my eyes as I tasted her. My lips enveloped around hers as we shared a kiss. I slid my hand around her hair and continued down to her back. Her breath, labored by the touch of my hand.

"Cy," she whispered under my chin. She gave me quick, feathery pecks around my neck. She extended her fingertips around my chest. She pressed hard into my body, creating pressure that at any moment I could have burst.

"I think we should go somewhere," she said to me.

We have teleported to a hotel outside of the city. In no time, we were in a room as quickly as we left the bar. We became hungry beasts, aching for each other's body as if we were Adam and Eve. We were beings created with the purpose of indulging in this forbidden sex.

I grabbed her breasts, making her moan in between breasts. She told me to go harder and harder I went. I made my kisses around her neck, tenderizing her pale flesh. Her face was flushed from how much I wanted her. I wanted her. I wanted her. I didn't care for anything but partaking in her. No one mattered. Not Robin. Not Starfire. Not even...not even...not even Beast Boy. And not even Jinx.

She kneeled on the bed as she pulled down my zipper and pulled out my dick. My dick was throbbing and wanted her as badly as I did. She kissed the tip a few times before entering her moist mouth. Feeling her tongue wrapped around it was amazing. The things she has done were in comparison to what Jinx had done for me.

The sounds of her mouth thrusting while she wrapped her arms around my legs, never wanting to let me go. It wasn't long before I have unloaded my seed inside of her mouth. At each spurt, she sucked and she swallowed. My body felt she consumed my soul before I wanted to fall. However, she wasn't done. She sat back on the bed and move aside her leotard where I saw her moist cave.

Her cave was inviting. It reminded me of the bubblegum song when I was a kid. How many pieces did I desire? Only one, Raven.

I got on the bed and inviting myself to her pie. I craved for it like a cripple's desire to walk. I craved for it like a fiend to the pipe. Pardon the vulgarity, but that was how enticing her pussy. She was wet, her juices easily escaping from her folds into my mouth that I consumed. It was salty and tangy, but delicious. Her moans and her rubbing my head were enough to resurrect my erection from its flaccidity.

I didn't see her, but I knew she was biting her lips. Her eyes are closed from the pleasure I was giving her. She called my name at each time I licked or nibbled. When I finally got her bean, she climaxed. No bursting, no loud moaning, she climaxed in silence. Her trembling was enough to know that I did my job.

The night wasn't over. The finale has yet to come. In no time, I rip the part of her leotard while hitting my dick on her pussy. 'Make my kitty purr, my robotic prince.' I put my head of my dick slowly before entering her pussy.

The sounds of loud thrusting began as I made my way inside of Raven. I lift her lips as leverage so I can further go inside of her. She moaned, grabbing the covers. She was laughing, crying, screaming. All emotions were allowed under the sin we were doing in this room.

_Do you have any idea what you have done?_ My conscience was telling me again. _The betrayal? The lies? What conflict are you brewing for you, for Raven, for the others?_

Raven grabbed my face and we exchanged a kiss. I ignored my conscience. I couldn't give a damn about it. If you were worthy, then you could have stopped me. I continued fucking her until I knew I was close to climax.

'Fuck me, baby, fuck me, fuck me,' she kept saying. 'Oh, God. Oh God.'

'I am going to come,' I said.

'Come inside of me' she said.

I began pumping fast as I could. Faster and faster and faster before I came. I unloaded all of my seed inside of her. She was breathing heavily. She smiled. She extended her arms and wrapped them around me before landing on her buxom. I was left breathless. We left ourselves like that for the rest of the night.

Not once. Not at the bar. Not at the hotel. Not once did she ever brought up Beast Boy.

* * *

"Cyborg, this is not a game. Check. Your. Fucking. Neck. Now."

I am now at a standstill as I sit in bed watching the woman I supposed to love. The woman that is supposedly my girlfriend staring daggers at me with the compact in my hand. Does she know? What is going to come of us? I begin to hyperventilate. I am panting loudly. My heart begins to beat. And with each tempo is getting closer and closer to the truth.

I take the compact from her and I am shaking as it is getting closer to my neck.

There is redness around it. It is bruised.

"Do you know it is," she questions me.

I play coy. "It is a rash."

"Bullshit," she responds.

"It is," I convince myself to her. "It really is. Me and Beast Boy were playing our dinosaur and caveman game."

I can tell she wants to slap me. But, she is remaining calm. Her face shows that she is not buying my story.

"A rash," she retorts. "Do you think I am some kind of idiot?"

"No, baby," I respond.

"Cyborg," she says. "Do you think I am stupid?" Her voice is changing. She displays anger with a hint of sadness. "That looks like a bite mark."

I give her a look as if she is confused. Before I can speak, she does slap me.

"Cyborg, you bastard," she tells me. "That is a fucking bite mark, a bite mark."

She retreats from the bed. She begins putting on her clothes and head for the door. By this time, I stop in front of the door.

"Move," she says.

"Let me explain," I tell her.

"You have nothing to explain," she tells me. "I am done with this."

"Please let me explain," I ask again.

She reaches her hand for the knob, but I grab her hand. She begins slapping me over and over. Throughout this, I continue to grab her.

"You bastard," she screams. "Get away from me you cheating bastard."

I don't let her go. I hold on to her. By this time, we are both in sobs.

"Let me go," she continues to tell me.

"Let me explain," I say.

"Let me go," she says again.

"Let me explain," I say again.

We are both on the floor. My hands are tight around her hips. The aching feeling she has. I am sorry, Jinx. I am sorry, my love.

"I hate you," she tells me.

"Let me explain," I continue saying.

"I hate you," she says again.

She continues hitting me until she loses all of her strength. All of it is replaced with tears. From her. And from me.

"I hate you," she says faintly.

"Please, Jinx, let me explain," I tell her again.

"I hate you," she says again very faintly.

"Listen, listen," I tell her.

Night begins to fall on the Titan Tower. Both of us are surrounded by darkness. I continue to hold on to Jinx with all of my might. Because I know that if she walks out of that door, she will never return to my life again. The curtain is closing. But for now, I just want to hold on to Jinx for as much as I can.


	5. No Water (Part I)

_Hi, this is Jinx. Sorry if I am unavailable right now. Either I am fighting heroes or spending time with my Cy. Anyway, please leave a message._

There is no answer. I hang up and called her phone again.

_Hi, this is Jinx. Sorry if I am unavailable right now. Either I am fighting heroes or spending time with my Cy. Anyway, please leave a message._

My hand grips on my Titan Alert. I just want to hear her voice. Not through a voicemail, but in person. Please, pick up, Jinx. Please, please pick up.

_Hi, this is Jinx. Sorry if I am unavailable right now. Either I am fighting heroes or spending time with my Cy. Anyway, please leave a message._

I put the Alert down on my bed. I lie back on the bed as I am staring at the ceiling. My heart tightens in the grief on what I have done. What did I have to betray such a creature like Jinx?

Her voicemail, I was there that day when she made it. We were in her bedroom at her house at the H.I.V.E. tower. We were watching anime together. I think we were watching _Mysterious Girlfriend X_. Anime isn't my cup of tea, but seeing her ogle over such cheesy romance excited me. It was watching her shed her tough facade and just be a typical kid.

She had told me that she wanted a simple life. But it wasn't easy living in a broken home where her only role model was her drunken father. There was not a mother in her life. If there was, they were not there for long. Seeing her lie on the bed making that voicemail was exciting to me. That was because she was being herself. She was not a villain. I was not a superhero. We were Lucky and Victor.

I couldn't remember how many times she made it, but when she finally managed to find the message suitable enough for it, she smiled. She kissed her phone before returning to her man's arms watching the oddness of Mikoto and Akira. That night, we practiced our new form kissing with exchanging our saliva with our fingers.

There is a lump in my throat. It makes me want to vomit. Or to scream. Or to shout. Why in the hell did I give it all up? And for what, twenty minutes of pleasure. I bang my hand on the bed. I don't stop. I kept going and going and going. I slap myself, more than enough to hear ringing in my ears.

No tears, but I feel the hotness around my cheeks. The dryness in my eyes. The tenderness in my ears. I look at the window where the moon is full and at its brightest. It hangs like an angel, like a guardian. However, a cloud looms over it, covering its eyes. Even my angel is ashamed for the act that I have committed.

My father was right. You never know how good you have it until it was gone. He told me that when he came into my bedroom. I was eight at the time.

He told me that my mother was going on a vacation. I did see a few suitcases on their bed. When I have asked my mother, she did not look at me in the eye. I remembered her caressing my face, stroking my cheek before kissing me on the forehead. That was the last time that I have seen my mother.

I grew up with my father. He wasn't a bad father, just caught up in his work. Very caught up. He had never left his room. Just stayed and stayed and stayed.

He had never even tried to date. In his eyes, I have guessed that my mother was the one and only. I remember when I was twelve when I asked him on why did Mom leave. He answered me with such brash and furious anger. I didn't pay attention that he had a bottle of Hennessey beside him. I ran from him as he screamed before tearing himself down to tears.

I never asked him on why Mom left again.

When I was sixteen years old, I have returned from school. I would never forget that day because I was qualified to receive a scholarship at a prestigious science university. Deciding not to call him, I wanted to tell him in person. When I walked in, there was no answer. He had to be home because he told me that he was going to spend time working in the lab. I have called his name, but no answer. Knowing he was going to be in the lab, I made my way down there. I opened the door and walked into the world that would have become my new normal.

In front of me was my father. He was slumped over on his table. A pool of blood surrounding him. You would think that I would panic, but I didn't. I walk forward to him. I saw a small hole in his head where blood continued to escape. The gun he used was still in his hand. In his other hand was a picture of my mother.

When looking further in the lab, I saw that he had blueprints. Blueprints that served more as wallpaper than anything. And on those blueprints were images of a robot. More importantly, they were images of my mother.

_You never know how good you have it until it is gone._

It makes sense, Dad. It makes sense.

I get up from my bed and go into my drawer where I pull out a small envelope. Inside my father left a small note. The note, covered in blood, was his final will and testament of sorts. Honestly, it was more of a confession on how his actions led to his fate.

In his letter, he had admitted to having an affair with a woman. She used to be a client of his. What started as a project led into many years of debauchery, adultery, and sin. The woman, herself, was also married, to a well-known scientist and entrepreneur. That entrepreneur contributed very well to my father's research. The affair lasted until my mother made the discovery. He feared that my mother was going to tell the scientist about his affair. That left my mother heartbroken because he did not think about their marriage, but his reputation. Later, the scientist decided to withdraw from his project, leaving my father in debt. His lover, no longer impressed with my dad, returned to her husband. In the end, he was alone and alone he remained until the death by his own hand.

He also explained why my mother did want to see me. Because my eyes were my father's eyes. We were torn from the same cloth. That was why she did not want to look at me. She feared that I was going to lead the same path of my father.

Was she right? Was that my destiny? To meet a girl of my dreams and cheat on her? To go such an unrighteous path that I, too, am going to meet the same fate of my father? Am I going to die by my own hand?

I return the envelope back into the dresser and closed it. I decide to call Jinx one more time.

_Hi, this is Jinx. Sorry if I am unavailable right now. Either I am fighting heroes or spending time with my Cy. Anyway, please leave a message._

I left my domicile and went to the living room. I walk through the hallway and I stop in front of Beast Boy's room. As I am about to knock on his door, the door slides open.

"Hey, Cy. What's up," asks the green goblin that is my best friend.

My face tightens, but I keep my composure. "Nothing much, Beastie buddy," I say. "Just wanted to see how you were doing."

He rubs the back of his head. "Well, I was going to get a midnight snack from the fridge."

"Nothing wrong with a having a midnight snack. That is the best time to get any kind of snack."

He chuckles. "You know it, bra." He looks at me. "Feel like chilling with me for a little while?"

I smile. "Sure, bro."

Beast Boy and I go to the kitchen. He pulls out a bag of tofu. I get a sandwich and a bag of chips. He also grabs a plate of pie for the two of us, just in case. I told him that I want to hang out on the roof. It was a chilly evening, but enough to relax and get some air.

We make our way to the roof. It is a beautiful evening. By now, the clouds have disappeared. Just a starry night sky looking over the inhabitants of Jump City.

We sit on the ground looking at the stars.

"Nice night," says Beast Boy.

"It is," I reply.

I take a bite of my sandwich while Beast Boy is partaking on tofu. "Not every day we get to hang out like this," he tells me. "It is like we are losing touch."

"I agree," I tell him. "Caught up with things."

"Same," he says. "Miss hanging out with my pie bro."

I take another bite of my sandwich. The aftertaste of the mayo and the cheese is starting to taste sour.

"Beast Boy," I say as I face him.

"What's up," he responds.

"Remember that day when we had that conversation about relationships," I ask him.

"Yeah, I do," he says. "You really brought perspective on it. Really had me thinking."

"Really," I say.

"Sure it did, bro," he tells me. "Because I know you were looking out for me. You were concerned and had every single right to be."

_I want to die right now._

"Cyborg, Raven is my first serious relationship. Something that I really cherish," he tells me. "Nothing else can compare to how much I love my sweet, sweet Raven."

My tongue weighs heavy. My palms are sweating. My heart is beating faster than usual.

"You don't know, but sometimes I was afraid that I would never find love," he says.

"Why," I ask him.

"Think about it? I am annoying, obnoxious, somewhat rude, and have poor hygiene. I am not so bright and I live in a delusion of grandeur that is very damning. Kind of frightening, if you ask me."

"Beast Boy, I..."

"Let me finish," he tells me. "You have accepted me because you are my bro. You know my faults and weren't going to judge me. You treat me as if I am your brother and I am highly grateful for that."

"Beast Boy."

"Raven is different. She is a girl. She is someone I have imagined being with for the rest of my life. We are opposites. Nowhere near in the same category, but she takes me for who I am. I love her, Cy. I really do."

"Beast Boy."

"When we are together, we are one with the world. She gives me a glimmer of hope whenever seeing her smiling face. You know, she always tells me that me, you, and her are a trinity."

"A trinity?"

"Yeah," he says as he looks at the sky. "She tells me that she loves how close we are, you and I. She loves how close we are, she and I. She hopes to know you as well. She knows that you and I are a packaged deal. We are best friends for life. No matter what, dude, you will always be by my side."

I place my hand of my green buddy. Assuring him that he is a good guy. But a guy who doesn't deserve the things I have done to him.

"Beast Boy, you are a good friend," I tell her. "You do so much for me that I have done little to earn it."

"You are talking crazy, Cy," he says while smiling. "Have you been eating the bologna again?"

I am taken aback. Out of nowhere, I begin to laugh. Then, he starts laughing. We laugh loudly into the night as these are the moments that I am going to miss with him. These moments are now becoming curtains that are being drawn to a close.

"Starfire would have loved to know we were using one of her catchphrases," says Beast Boy.

"Yeah," I say with a slight smile.

 _This is it, Cy,_ says my conscience. _This is a good time to tell the truth. This is a good time to come clean. Strike while the iron is hot._

'I can't,' I tell my conscience. 'I am afraid that our ties will forever break.'

_What will be worst? Him hearing it from his own friend's mouth or catching you in the act?_

'You don't know how much this is going to change our dynamic,' I tell my conscience.

_Never truer a word was spoken about that. Nevertheless, it is more hurtful than to continue in your deceit of lies._

'This is not my fault. Raven is also in this, too.'

_You could've said no. No one told you to walk on this jagged edge. You are responsible for making this bed with her and now you are lying in it. I am telling you, Cyborg. Warning comes before destruction. I urge you to tell him the truth. It might be painful, yes. You might lose him as a friend, maybe. But, nothing is worse than damning your own soul. If not for you, then what about your father?_

'I already lost Jinx. I don't want to lose him either.'

Out of nowhere, we hear someone entering the roof. We both turn around and see Robin.

"Hey, Robin," says Beast Boy. "Surprised to see you here."

"I wish I can say the same," replies Robin. He looks at the both of us. "I need you all to come with me. We have a bit of an emergency to deal with."

We go with Robin and enter the living room. There we are met with Starfire and the temptress herself. However, they are not the only one there. Also in the room are the members of H.I.V.E.

We look at each other, waiting on when the awkward silence is going to end. Gizmo breaks the silence.

"Jinx didn't come home last night," says Gizmo while keeping his eyes on me. "We have been trying to reach her for several hours but no answer." He points to me. "Since she is your girlfriend, have you seen her?"

Not trying to think about the night, I try my hardest to relax. "She came by yesterday. We had lunch and spent time here. After that, she went home."

"We have tried to reach her for over several hours, but we couldn't get an answer," says Gizmo. "I had Mammoth go and search for her tracking device." He takes a breath before closing his eyes. He reaches into his pocket and displays her tracking device. "Mammoth found it in a dumpster near Barter Town."

I am taken aback to see what I am unfortunately witnessing. My breath begins to labor.

"What does this have to do with us," asks Robin while looking at the device.

Gizmo throws it to Robin. "The device is broken and covered in blood. That's why?"

I watch Starfire covering her mouth. Beast Boy shows sign of concern. Raven. Raven doesn't show anything. In fact, the entire time I know she is staring at me. She is displaying a sly look that I only see when we are alone.

"Titans, I am concern," says Gizmo. "Normally, I wouldn't give a damn about asking you guys. But, since Cyborg and Jinx make us mutual acquaintances, we need your help finding her."

"Why should we bother," responds Robin. "This might be a track to lower our guar…."

"Save the heroic bullshit, Boy Wonder," responds Mammoth. "Jinx is a team player and we are worried about her." He looks at me with frustration. "This is your girlfriend, Cyborg. Don't you have any kind of concern right now?"

Gizmo puts his hand on Mammoth's shoulder. "Regardless of our ill-feelings with each other, we need your help. We need to look for Jinx. I am afraid something may have happened to her."

Robin displays tension but relaxes. "Fine, we will look for her." He faces us. "Titans, we are going to split up in order to help them find their Jinx."

He goes on the computer and looks at the quadrants of Jump City. "We are going to go in four different directions. We will start at the edge and meet at the center." He looks at Starfire. "Go with See-More and Billy in the north."

"Got it," replies Starfire.

He faces Beast Boy. "Beast Boy, you and Mammoth are going to do a search by air."

"Got it," answers Beast Boy.

"Me and Gizmo are going to cover the east and the west." He looks at me and Raven. "You two, cover the southern region."

"Got it," she says.

"We don't have much time to waste," says Robin. "Titans, go!"

"H.I.V.E. members, go!" says Gizmo.

In no time, the groups spread out the city looking for Jinx. However, I remain standing at this same spot. I am frozen, stiff at this moment. The curtains are definitely closing.

_Just a matter of time, Cyborg, my boy. Just a matter of time._

Raven is staring at me with her devilish grin. She begins laughing at my scene.

"Oh my God," she says. "You had really put on quite a show." She uses her powers to cover the window. "Well, we have some borrowed time to fuck."

I get on my knees. My burdens are getting heavier and heavier by the moment. She walks into my direction. She strokes my cheek and lifts my chin to her line of sight.

"What's with the tears," she says.

"What's with the tears," I retorted angrily. "Have you realized what we have…."

She interrupts me by putting my face on her stomach. "Listen," she says. "Do you feel them moving? Do you feel them kicking?"

I am trembling by her troubling words.

"They screaming for their mama and their papa," she tells me. "And I am purring for their papa as well."

I try to say something, but she puts her hands over my mouth.

"Silence, my dear," she says. "We must not trouble them." She walks away from me and picks up the tracking device that belongs to Jinx.

Or it did belong to Jinx.

"At least we have _that_ problem out of the way," she says as she crushes it before tossing it on the ground.

"Come now," she says. "While the others are looking for nothing more than a _ghost_."

I retch all of my contents to the floor. I retch some more. I retch because earlier when I was calling Jinx. I was calling nothing more than a ghost.

Robin, Starfire, and the rest of the H.I.V.E. You don't have to search too far. You don't have to search too far at all.

Jinx is...Jinx is...Jinx is not that far from here. In fact, she is still in the tower.

But she is not the same Jinx anymore. In fact, she is nothing at all.


	6. No Water (Part II)

_It was a day like no other._

The words departed from her mouth with such flavorful richness. Soothing to the ears, nurturing to the soul. No other words couldn't compare to the moment of saying those words. In some way, it was accompanied with musicians playing an enchanted melody. If spoken silently, it was almost close to praying. Amazing how something minute could be an oversight to the brain. Negate the small stuff and focus on what is around you. It is only when you lose your grip. When you can no longer grasp what should have been cherishable. It is when it has disappeared when those tender moments return to you.

It pokes at you as if you were tender enough to shear any of your juices. Tears were in my contents. The sorrow I swallow for why those tender moments resonates in my brain. The sorrow on how I allow something so tangible that I have missed it. I should've. I could've. I would've. Why did I miss it?

Granted we have plenty of dates, plenty of conversations, plenty of sex. However, that certain moment played a pivotal role. If I would have better paid attention that day, then maybe I would have better foreseen the moments leading to where I am at this particular moment.

_It was a day like no other._

I can still smell the fragrance of the morning dew moistening the ground with its savory contents. It feeds the soul like how Jinx was feeding me. I can smell the contents of the vendor selling his hot dogs. I have ordered mine with extra relishes. Jinx opted for a soy dog. She was very curious about the hype behind veggie meat. She paid attention to Beast Boy and appreciated his opinion of inhibitions of meat. She listened, she cared about his opinion. She had no problems sharing information between other people. When we were together, villain and superhero did not exist. We were just human. I was human. She was human. She was a gentle soul. A gentle soul that took her for granted. And I sucked the nourishment of her purity, or what was left of it.

I sighed as I can still hear the sound of children playing in the background. School was out that day. The children filled the park like concertgoers filled the theatre. Nature was hosting the concert and the children mellowed in it. Hell, we all did. The park was our stage and we all played a role in it. Such a beautiful it was. I can still hear the old men playing chess; talking about the good times. One was black and the other was white. Two men who were part of an era where they were not even allowed to face one another in public, or unless played a position of superior or inferior. None of that was present. Just two men having a great time.

I can still feel the sun enveloping its warmth. It gave me such a tingling feeling on my skin. The hair rose like my girl's return to give us drinks. She went to another vendor who served fresh lemonade. We both had the same thing. She placed it on my head jokingly, of course. I returned the favor by fickling its condensation on her. We took turns until our hands got tired. We then return lying down on the grass. So soft, so soft it was. Beds couldn't compare to how soft it was. Granted metaphors aren't my forte, but it was a perfect day.

It was me and Jinx lying on our blanket in the grass. A blanket that she made for me on my birthday. She did not want to buy a store bought gift. She wanted something from the heart. Many, many months of planning. Sores and scrapes and cuts on her tender skin. Bandages and all, she had the rosy cheek smile she displayed when either she was up to no good or just wanted a sign of affection; when giving me the blanket, I felt no gift in the world couldn't stand ground on what she did.

Even Beast Boy's hand drawn portrait couldn't compare.

I can still remember lying on her stomach. She was rubbing my head. She was predicting my future. Excuse me, she was predicting our future. It felt good to feel her soft fingertips pressing against my flesh. It gave me shivers, but in a good way. We took turns as she lied on my stomach. I had no shame when she gave me her brush and I combed her hair. I stroked and I stroked and she purred like a kitten. When I was brushing, I just played in her hair. I kissed her forehead with tender kisses. Kisses that made her feel perky. She returned the kisses by kissing me on my chin. She knew my sweet spots as I did hers.

I don't how long we were there, but it was timeless. We had no care in the world. We did not even bring our alerts with us. It was no Cyborg. It was no Jinx. For that day, even it was for only one day, we were going to be Lucky and Victor.

Jinx was corrupt and evil; enjoying giving superheroes like me mayhem and chaos. Lucky was sweet and compassionate. She had a fondness for cats. She enjoyed blueberry pie. She enjoyed classical music. She was a sucker for anime or in her case, anything _kawaii_.

Cyborg was a hero of justice. A man who vie for the desire of working for the Justice League. A man, a fallible man who was loud mouthed, but did the necessary to serve truth and justice. Victor was a man who enjoyed the finest things in life. I was a man of inner strength; who desired inner peace; who desired wisdom. A young budding man who had plans for the future.

Jinx predicted to me when she was rubbing in my head that she saw us together. She did not want to say much in front of the H.I.V.E., but she often thought of leaving. She told me that day on we should just go away. Let's leave with nothing but the clothes on our backs. Just leave Jump City and head to places that are exciting. She said that we were already drifters. We had no family to speak of. So, why not venture the world, she told me.

She said that we could be poor and homeless. We could be rich. Regardless of our future, she wanted me by her side, at all cost.

I returned her smile. I caressed her cheek saying that I wanted the same thing. I, too, have thought of leaving behind the hero life. For a simpler one, I have told her. I still had money in the bank from the insurance I have collected after my father's demise. Insurance that my mother claimed after his death. In her mind, it was the only source of penance she could leave with me.

I have never doubted that my mother wasn't a terrible mother. I have believed that she knew what fate lied ahead if she stayed with my trouble. Maybe a discerning spirit told her to leave before things got rough. Then yet again, why didn't she take me with her? The dynamic may have shifted if she took care. Then, maybe she was incapable. Looking at me was looking at my dad.

I have a crooked smile because I still have the gun that my father used in his demise. I didn't tell you that there was another message in the envelope. In it, it stated, I hope that your path doesn't lead to the one I have chosen. I hope and prayed that you have chosen the route that would lead to everlasting love, hope, and peace. A chance of goodwill and good company. However, if the tiniest of chance that route never leaves. If light leads you astray and darkness becomes your company, then at least you have a covenant bond between me and you.

A covenant bond, he said. I keep it close. I just hope to God it does not lead me to that day.

Anyhow, I can still remember holding her hand as we departed out of the park. The day was concluding as the sun bid us farewell for another day. I held hands with her as we were taking the walk back to her home. We could have taken the bus. We could have called one of our members to pick us up. But why spoil such as a lovely day.

That night, the crickets were speaking to us. They were performing a serenade to commemorate our relationship. We kept walking and talking and hugging and kissing. We did plenty of that until I made the final step in front of the H.I.V.E. Tower.

Before we parted ways, she asked me a serious question.

_I love you, Cyborg. Nothing can ever take that away from you. But, I often feel that I don't love you enough._

I didn't respond to her question. It was very off-guard, off-centered. Not of her taste.

_I reach for you. I reach for you. But, often the further I reach, the more I feel you are getting away from me._

I responded with, 'Why would you think like that. I am here. I am for you. You know I love you to the ends of the Earth.'

_I believe you, Cy. I do, but words can only do so much. We can say a lot of things but it doesn't make it true._

'You have to believe me. Why invest all of this time if it doesn't mean anything?'

She grabbed my cheeks with a firm grasp. She pressed her hand on my chest. That was a moment only intimate lovers would do.

_I am very insecure, you know. I am often not sure on why you are with me. I cry sometimes to think that you deserve someone better._

'Don't you ever think like that! You are mine and mine alone. Do you understand?'

She shook her head like a child when being disciplined. That rattled me. To think we were having this kind of talk. And such a pretty day it was.

_Cy, are you serious about leaving? Can we leave now?_

'What are you talking about?'

_Let's just drop everything. Let's leave town. Go somewhere nobody can find us. To hell with Jinx and Cyborg. Become an easy rider and explore the world. We have spent so much time being superhero and supervillain. Will there be any moments where there is us? Will there be moments where I don't have to fake this bullshit based on rules made by men? I just want us to be free, Cy. I want to run away with you. Run away with me. Please, Cy. Please._

The latter was blinding with tears. The sincerity of her tone riddled me. I didn't know how serious she was about wanting to be normal. It had made me sensed on rather the dynamic of our relationship was endangered. At the time, I did not give it such thought.

At least, not at the time.

I grabbed her and soaked the tears. With my hands, I wiped any sorrow that was hurting my girl. That was conflicting my girl. I kissed her forehead to calm her down. Her head was hot to the touch that I have sworn that it was making her sick. She was having these feelings. How long? How long?

'Jinx, calm down baby. Everything is going to be okay. We are going to be alright.'

_Are we?_

'Sure we are. Trust me, have I ever gave you any doubt.'

_No. No, you haven't. You have been everything near and dear to me. Since being with you, you have made life more meaningful. Somedays, I just have walked in the motion. Even when fighting you guys or other superheroes, I couldn't care if I have lived or died. But being with you, it gave me a feeling. Feeling the void. Giving me a chance to live again. There have been times in which I wanted to fall asleep and not wake up. To take the route on where my father or my mother went. You bounce back between mother and father. Neither gave a damn loving you. It just matters if there was check in their name. Existence became unbearable. It just did. It just did._

I have silenced her. I pressed my lips on her forehead. I held her and held her until I could no longer feel anything. When she had to leave, she gave me one more kiss before departing.

_Thank you for taking me to the park. It was a day like no other._

I looked back to that day and how special it was. How delicate it was. If I didn't know better. I should have guessed that Jinx was predicting such a feral end.

Yes, I did use feral in the right context.

* * *

Jinx and I weren't alone in the bedroom as I tried my hardest from her leaving me. Raven appeared from the darkness. She began applauding at Jinx, congratulating her on her performance. Such an insult she did to her.

'Clever,' she told Jinx. 'Well, I guess it is safe to say that the secret is out.'

Jinx blinked her eyes in disbelief. 'What are you saying?' She watched Raven walking to her direction and put her hands around my neck to display her handiwork.

'You see, Jinx,' said Raven without a sense of any sympathy. 'I am responsible for this.' She began chuckling. 'I am fucking your man. I am sleeping with him. I am doing things to him that your novice self couldn't fathom.'

My heart skipped a beat. It took Raven no time to explain her infidelity. No, our infidelity. Jinx looked at me. I would never forget the expression she gave me. It shows the highest disdain of pure hate.

'With her,' she said. She stood up and backed against the window. 'With her of all people.'

'Jinx,' I said.

'Stay the fuck back, you bastard,' she screamed. 'Her? Her?' Each time she was talking, she was growing hysterical. 'I trusted you. I have trusted you. You lied to me.'

'Jinx, please let me,' I tried to say before she slapped me across my face.

'Stay the hell back,' she screamed. Her face was becoming red. The rosy cheeks were disappearing. 'I gave my heart out to you. I spilled my guts to you. I gave you something no other man will ever receive.'

She was shaking. She was shaking her head in disagreement. 'I gave you the greatest gift that a woman can ever give to a man. I told you about everything. About me, my life, our future.' And then she looked at Raven. 'And you threw all away for that?'

Raven stood unopposed. She displayed no emotion at all. In her eyes, she was watching a telenovela.

'Lies you were telling me,' Jinx continued screaming. 'You are no different than the people in my life.'

'Jinx, please let me explain,' I tried telling her.

'Yes, explain Cy,' interjected Raven. She walked in the middle of us. She turned to Jinx. 'Explain how you pillaged a trifling child, a savage, a deviant on betraying her?' She giggled by covering her hand. 'Explain to her on how you were playing her. Her emotions, her hopes, her dreams.' She faced Jinx. 'There have been times in which I wanted to fall asleep and not wake up. To take the route on where my father or my mother went. You bounce back between mother and father. Neither gave a damn loving you. It just matters if there was check in their name. Existence became unbearable. It just did. It just did.'

My mouth went agape when she said those words to Jinx. How was she aware of this? We were not involved back then.

That was a very crushing blow to Jinx. Her breath was taking away. 'You have been playing me from the start?' She was panting really loud. 'You stepped on my emotions. What else have you been telling her?'

'Jinx, I promised that she did not know about this,' I said. 'I don't know how she got that information.'

'Lies, lies, lies, lies, LIES,' screamed Jinx. 'How can let up? How can you keep up with this charade?'

'Yes, Cy,' explained Raven. 'Playing with her poor heart. You should be ashamed of yourself.' She scoffed. 'Tsk, tsk, tsk.'

'Let's just drop everything. Let's leave town. Go somewhere nobody can find us. To hell with Jinx and Cyborg. Become an easy rider and explore the world. We have spent so much time being superhero and supervillain. Will there be any moments where there is us? Will there be moments where I don't have to fake this bullshit based on rules made by men? I just want us to be free, Cy. I want to run away with you. Run away with me. Please, Cy. Please,' said Raven.

'Leave me alone,' screamed Jinx.

'I love you, Cyborg. Nothing can ever take that away from you. But, I often feel that I don't love you enough,' said Raven

'Leave me alone. Stop,' screamed Jinx.

'I believe you, Cy. I do, but words can only do so much. We can say a lot of things but it doesn't make it true,' said Raven.

'Stop it, stop it, stop it,' screamed Jinx.

'I am very insecure, you know. I am often not sure on why you are with me. I cry sometimes to think that you deserve someone better,' said Raven.

Raven continued to walk until she cornered Jinx. Jinx was in a fetal position. Tears were rolling down her eyes. Her face was reddened. From my position, I knew that she had urinated on herself.

'Look at yourself,' said Raven. 'Just like a poorly ridden child to piss yourself.'

'Fuck you,' replied Jinx.

'People like you make me sick,' exclaimed Raven. 'Weakness flows in your veins. Just pestilence you are, you fucking pathetic excuse for an H.I.V.E. member. That is why Cyborg cheated on you. He couldn't handle being with a little girl like you. You are dumb, pathetic. A bitch who was slowing him down. Born as it were on the wrong side of the tracks.'

'Then fucking kill me if you must,' protested Jinx out of frustration. 'Since you think I am such a pest.' She gave me a look. 'I hope you enjoyed the pleasure given by a daughter of a demon who fucked a druggie cult member who left her behind herself.'

'Takes one to know one, bitch,' interjected Raven. Suddenly, Raven grabbed her hands and quickly grabbed Jinx's throat before puncturing it. There wasn't much of a struggle. It ended quickly as it began. Raven dropped Jinx to the floor.

'Say the name of my mother again,' she screamed at Jinx's former body before spitting on her. She dusted herself off and went to me. By that time, I was frozen stiff. I just couldn't gather on what I have witnessed. It happened too fast. It did not even have time to process it all. When it was all said and done, Jinx was lying dead on the floor.

'What the hell are you standing here for,' she told me. 'Help me dispose of any evidence.' She looked at Jinx. 'I can hide her body.'

By that time, the room began spinning and spinning and spinning. No longer was I hearing Raven. The only I was staring was the corpse of my former girlfriend.

_She was human. She was a gentle soul. A gentle soul that took her for granted. And I sucked the nourishment of her purity, or what was left of it._

As I continued staring, the day of the park returned to me. It was blending in with my current moments. I would give anything to stepped back into the moment. At the park, on the grass, on the blanket with my love. Stroking her hair, combing her hair, kissing her forehead, just one last time.

Her final words she told me before departing was starting to make sense. Those words were going to haunt me for the rest of my days.

_It was a day like no other._


	7. No Earth (Part I)

_I still have my father's gun._

My father was at least kind enough to use a silencer for his planned end. Maybe he was thinking of me? Maybe he thought if I were to come home early. Maybe he did not want to disturb our neighbors. Be as it may, he wanted his end in silence. To take away the pain. To remove the ulceric burden. But in the end, was it the woman, my mother, or was it me? What was he getting away from? I will never receive that resolve.

I have always believed in second chances.

Sometimes, I would sit at the table alone, but pretend I was with my mother and my father. I am at the center. My father to the left, my mother to the right. What makes it interesting is that the left also serves as my conscience of regret and shame. My right serves as the conscience of hope and grace.

We would talk about the scholarship I received to attend the prestigious university overseas. I would have been a student at Keio. Keio University is a well-known university in Japan. Their own personal Havard. A robust circle of the elite. They will applaud through laughter and tears on how accomplishing it was. I mean, it wasn't everyday that a westerner, let alone an African American to attend that university. I could picture my mother telling me that she was going to make Japanese dishes that she found from the internet. My father would have to purchase downloadable software to speak in their language. They would have never been shy to tell the congregation at church on how much God has been an impact in their lives, our lives. I could have never been happier in my life.

Then, they would have focused on each other for a moment. "When are we planning our next dinner date," questioned my father while keeping his eyes on my gorgeous mother. "I don't know. I really haven't decided on where we should go," said my mother in an inquisitive manner. My mother was very indecisive when making dinner arrangements. We could go to a French restaurant that mother recommended and later wanted Greek. If we go for Greek, then she wanted Indonesian instead. "Whatever you want, I will deliver," my father said faithfully before giving my mother a peck on the lips from the middle of the table. I would blush, but play it off with the proverbial usage of "yuck" and "gross" and "really?" But deep down, I loved how much in love they were. Even as they continued to lay eyes on each other, they grew in a deeper love that only God himself could unroot.

But in the end, it was all a dream. The table is empty. No one has set there in years. Covered with newspaper articles that range from my father's success to his failures to his suicide. What my father did not tell me was that there was an investigation between him and his mistress. According to the articles, my father's mistress told her husband that she was blackmailed into an affair with him in order to persuade her husband to conduct research with my father. Of course, his letter and the newspaper conflicts both stories, but there is one fact: my father had an affair which led to my mother's split and his suicide. Let's add one more to the fray. He also left me alone. He left me alone in a world that did not display the love, tender, and care that a young boy desired.

My dreams to Keio are faltered. I still have the acceptance letter in my drawer. Right next to my father's gun. Right next to the picture of Jinx when I took her to the Ferris wheel. Right next to the picture where Beast Boy and I won the pie eating contest. Right next to the letter I have written for Beast Boy. And….

Excuse me, right next to the picture of my induction into the Teen Titans. I let out a silent cry for the ones I loved were not present. I still remember my father's number. Everytime I call, I received the same response.

_I am sorry but the person you've called is unavailable and has yet to install a voicemail box._

I call again.

_I am sorry but the person you've called is unavailable and has yet to install a voicemail box._

And again, with the hotness of my tears hitting my hands.

_I am sorry but the person you've called is unavailable and has yet to install a voicemail box._

It was a pistol, my father's gun. The brand, a Grand Power K100. My father purchased it in his travels to Slovakia. He didn't really care for weapons, for he was a pacifist. But when walking into that store, something entranced him. Staring at the pink pearl butt of the gun became enticing. It brought an appeal. I could imagine him saying, "Oh, what pretty colors you have on you." The gun cost $400 but was discounted to $150. The owner of the shop believed that the gun was a part of his destiny.

Is it part of mine, too? Do we, yes I say we, share the same fate, Dad? Is this where I need to go? Meet a woman that is going to transform your life? You love her and give her the world? Then suddenly, you get bored? It is not what it used to be with your woman? You get tired of steak? Now, you want some shrimp and prime rib? You see someone else that meet the qualities of being desirable? She takes the burdens away? She is a breath of fresh air? She awakens the excitement that you have been seeking in your former years? Unfortunately, you learn that she is married? That becomes more challengeable because in your mind, you will get what you want? So, you stick out the qualities that can suit the other woman? If it works, you run with it?

If we are aware of the end result, then why do it? Why allow ourselves to feel disheartened when going to point B? Have we seen enough examples through the newspaper, television, movies, and even a taste of real life? Heartbreak, loss, violence. There are no happy endings. Then why do it? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

_I still have my father's gun._

I went back to the former domicile where my hell on Earth began. Excuse me, that isn't right. No one should ever describe your childhood home in that form or fashion. It taints the spirit. It creates a void in your soul. I have already had regrets of my shortcomings, but I should never throw salt on the place of my mecca. The place of my solitude. The place of my peace and my dominion and my transgressions and my paradigm of my regrets. They say that if walls could talk. Four walls of finite space telling me my past and my destiny. Yet again, I don't know. Nothing is trusting these days. Even the words that come from my mouth.

I took the heavily beaten path. It was located off the highway. A fortress surrounded by trees and other things. They whisper, for those who remained. Creating a relic to anyone who enter that one to continue the notion of repetitive history for many generations. Reminding others of the man who took his own life in the basement. The blood seeping into the concrete, absorbing a footprint that tells others that his soul is now claimed to the hands of the devil. The broken and beaten heart of a fallible man. Shall I, too, walk the same path to my fate.

Why not? I have his gun and I was standing in the spot where he took his own life. The barrel sparkled, enticing its authenticity. The pink pearl, such pretty colors, wrapped preciously around my decrepit hand. The barrel making a nest against my temple. Shall I live? Shall I die? Should I deliver this lead into my chemical composition? I will be worry-free. No longer would I have to live with this guilt of what I have done. No longer would she have control over me. No longer I have to dispel my seed into her trap. Becoming free from the responsible. Free from claiming ownership. Knowing that I don't have to live with knowing that I have done what I have done.

_Click_

There is one bullet in the chamber. Five more to go. I stand there staring where my father stood. I can now understand where he was going with this.

_Click_

That is two. Four more to go. Sweat dripped from my forehead. The tension was there. There has always been tension. Within myself, within this gun, within my life. Carry the burden was the final testament of my father. Understand that there was more of a man than his attributes. Are you willing to walk the lines of Job? Of David? Of Daniel? It was funny how he mention the names of those characters. It was not just the significance, but the order of his display. I can't speak for Job or Daniel, but he can speak for David. I can speak for David. We can speak for David.

_Click_

That was three. Three more to go. My hand gripped tightly around it. Ensuring that I was thinking about what I wanted to do. My stomach felt sick. A sickly sweet taste triggered my taste buds. My knees were becoming weak. Everything was becoming heavy. David slept with his best friend's girl. He got her pregnant. He tried to make his best friend sleep with his wife to make him think that the baby was his. However, one thing about his best friend stood out from anything else.

Loyalty.

_Click_

That was four, two more to go. The final homestretch before the bullet jettisons in my skull. His friend had loyalty, devoted to him. Just like Beast Boy. No, just like Garfield. He has been with me on my best days, my worst days, every day. I can't think of a day without him in my life. We told each other everything. We didn't keep secrets. Or at least secrets he didn't know about. Like his Raven. Back to David, to make sure he could cover up his shame, he did the worst thing that changed the paradigm of his life, his mistress' life, and his best friend's life forever.

Betrayal.

_Click_

One more to go.

He ordered him to go to the front lines in the battle. His best friend loyally obeyed his best friend before heading out to the battle. I can imagine him embracing his friend, letting him know of his victorious return. The smile he might of have on his face. Gleaming in the light, wiping away tears. Smiling also at his dear wife as she returned her plastic smile. He went into battle unknowingly signing his own death warrant.

I couldn't lay a hand on my green buddy. I never had the guts to end a life of a dear friend. It was a burden that I wanted to end myself. I cried as much as I could. The tears meshed with the snot on my face. Caked up to become dry until added with more moisture. I had my finger on the trigger for my final kill. I shut my eyes tightly so I wouldn't have to see the bright light. Didn't have to see my final moments of being in the basement. Didn't want to see nothing at all.

My thoughts landed on Robin, Starfire, Jinx, Beast Boy, and finally Raven. Her cold palms enveloping my body would be no more. Forevermore I will be at peace of knowing I am free from her. I just hope God understood.

I wondered if I would dream.

_Click_

I opened my eyes. Nothing happened. I click again and again and again. I continued clicking until numbness came on my finger. Why did nothing happen? Why didn't I die?

"You didn't think I was going to let you choose this route. Did you?"

I was shaking, trembling. I knew that trouble was dawning over me. I began feeling suffocated because of knowing that there was a hell worse to where I was headed.

She came from behind, pressing her breast against my back. She slowly glided her cold hands to my gun before taking it away. Her eyes were darkened as she held the gun. She stared into it, gliding her hands against the barrel. She put it in her mouth and started thrusting it with her tongue. She slid her tongue against it, giving me seductive looks. A trail of saliva bridged that broken pair before she placed it on the ground.

She pranced to my direction, giving me the same look she displayed to me on that fateful day at the bar.

"I said 'You didn't think I was going to let you choose this route. Did you?'" She took her palm and wrapped it on my cheek, stroking it affectionately. My breath deepened as she planted her lips on my cheek. She used her other hand to wipe the contents of my dried tears and mucus.

"Such a messy baby," she said while licking the contents. She took my hand and placed it at her honeypot. "My kitty is wet for you, Victor." That was the first time she ever used my real name. "Do you feel it dripping? It hungers for you."

I carefully rubbed her pussy, remembering regretfully of its moistening path. She quietly moaned as I thrust deeper inside.

"Deeper, baby, deeper," she said with much anguish in her eyes. "You know how I like it. Yes, yes, yes." She was fidgeting, getting off from me. Her juices escaping the folds of my hands onto the floor. I didn't even notice that she was unzipping my pants. She reached for my dick, which was no longer flaccid. It, too, was familiar with its owner.

Its owner.

She stroked it gently as she instructed me to continue with her pussy. I let out a loud sigh as I became erect. For a moment, she stopped, also pulling her hand from her pussy.

"What are you doing," I asked.

"If you want this, then you need to say it," she said.

I stared at her.

"You need to admit that you want me," she said. "I know I turn you on. You turn me on, too. But, I want to hear it from your voice."

"Raven, you don't understand."

"Don't understand that you can't own the fact that you are fucking your best friend's girl?"

She leaned closer.

"Or the fact you can't accept how broken you are? We are?"

She pressed her chest against mine. "We are broken in this beautiful sin. Like attracts like. There is no hiding on what you want."

"Raven."

"You call my name as a filler, but I know you want more of me. To caress your thick dick into my throbbing, moist pussy."

"Raven."

"Tearing down my walls. Let out your hate. Let out your brokenness on me. Spill your seed of hate into me."

She motioned me to the floor where she started kissing my neck. She disrobed from her leotard, displaying her nakedness. She lied on the ground concrete, using her fingers to display her pussy.

"You just have to say it. Throw your pride. Forget about Beast Boy. For this isn't about you and me or me and Beast Boy. It is about the brokenness of Victor and Rachel."

My lip quivered. No longer was there any logic. No longer could I see Raven, but the mistress. No longer I was Cyborg, but David. Now, I know why my father placed David in the center of his talk. Because many people are going to focus what is in front of them and not to the side.

"Yes," I said before getting on top of her. Both of us soiled in our sweat as I thrust Raven aggressively with my dick.

She continued smiling while I was close to climax. "That is it, Victor. Let it out. Release all of the hate you have for me. Release it, release it, release it. I am almost there."

Her eyes continued to haunt me, alerting me to give in.

I didn't give a damn anymore. I just stopped. I grabbed her face and went in to kiss her. I climaxed at the same time.

At her final breath, she released _Azareth Metrion Zinthos._

Even now, I don't know who I was that day. I still think that she had followed me to that house that day. I don't know why she used her spell that day. Was I under it? Was I doing it until my own volition? I don't know anymore, to be honest.

I am now in her bedroom where we are continuing our sessions. The bed creaks loudly as we are engaged in our sinful act.

She stands over me as we are basked in our nakedness. Droplets of her sweat are hitting my sunken eyes. She protrudes her hips, letting me know who I belong to. Where my loyalty and my dick resides.

She thrusts faster and faster, knowing at any moment, my seed is going to make contact with her pussy. It wasn't the first time.

"I am coming," she screams. "I am coming."

A surge of energy burst from within her as I release all of my seed into her. Droplets of my sperm and her juices make a splash on us. I continue to release much of my sperm until I can't anymore.

"You did a great job," she says while patting on my head. "I couldn't expect any less."

Then, I notice she tilts her head and her smile spreads wider than before. _"Isn't that right, Beast Boy?"_


End file.
